In a recent church service I heard three of the most reassuring and discomforting words in the English language. The pastor had started his sermon on prayer in a difficult Gospel passage and then moved to an even more difficult passage. When he turned to the second passage, he very honestly uttered the words, “I don’t know.”

For a moment I felt somewhat deflated. What do you mean you don’t know? What about all those years of studying Greek and Hebrew, all the degrees after your name, years of experience in the pastorate, and those connections with other astute students of the Scriptures? You don’t know?

Then I took another moment to evaluate my response. Would it be reasonable that any one of us would know all of anything? Would it even be good? Would it be reassuring or frightening to think we could know everything about an infinite God, even His word, since we are, after all, His creation and not Him? Isn’t this where faith, searching, and growth comes in?

As I began thinking about this more I thought back to a time when I was a child and I thought all adults knew everything. My parents for sure knew everything; they often told me so! Doctors, of course, knew everything and teachers knew more than everything. Gradually, as I grew older, I began to realize these were all myths. My parents made mistakes and as my ailments became more complex I realized that doctors often need to make educated guesses based on limited information. When I became a teacher myself the myth that teachers knew beyond everything was certainly blown apart.

So how does this all relate to the process of counseling? Many clients enter into counseling believing that the counselor knows everything. If the client lays out the problem directly enough, the counselor will see the solution immediately and solve the problem. Do counselors ever say or think the words, “I don’t know?”

In reality, the counseling process is just that; a process. Yes, counselors study human behavior and treatment planning. They gain experience in seeing patterns of behavior over time and what this means. Christian counselors add to that an understanding of how mankind was created by God and how we are meant to relate to Him and each other. Even with all of this, however, there are times in counseling when the most honest and reassuring answer to a question is “I don’t know.” People are too complex to be understood completely. People are too unique to address with cookie cutter responses to life. This is where the real counseling process begins. Together, a counselor and client embark on a journey of exploration. Not knowing can prod us to search and as we search we learn how to learn more. The counselor brings experience, knowledge, and certain resources to the table while the client brings their unique struggles and questions. Then the “I don’t know” on either side leads to questions which lead to learning, which has the potential to lead us to an enriched relationship with God and others in our lives.

Here’s the best part! Even though life is too glorious and too complex to escape the words, “I don’t know,” God promises to light our pathway as we seek Him. Isn’t it mind boggling to take a step on a pathway lit by an infinite God who desires that we have a relationship with Him? Although we often find ourselves coming to a place where all is not known, the One we trust and who promises to be the “Shepherd and the Guardian of our souls” (1 Pet. 2:25) is the very One who does know it all! All we need to do is believe. While we journey, process, grow, and learn we are safely held in the hands of the One who never has to say, “I don’t know!”

“Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

My sisters and I sat stuffed into the back seat of our green Ford Fairlane 500 with coolers and picnic baskets smashed tightly against our legs taking our annual trip from New Jersey to our lake house in Maine. Our minds were not so much on the journey but rather on the destination. We anticipated with impatience the joy of running through layers of pine needles down to the edge of the cool blue lake or dragging our red, white, and blue dingy out from under the porch to see how much damage winter storms had caused. We were picturing what was ahead and we were ready to be there; no more confinement of the car! “Are we there yet?”

The journey of counseling is not unlike our trips to Maine. People who are considering entering counseling often have a destination in mind, but feel unsure about the trip that leads there. Typical questions might include, “How many sessions do you think my trip with take?” or “What is the quickest route to this particular destination?”

These are good questions; however, the answers are not precise. Unlike our journey to Maine which was dictated by maps and rush hour traffic, the journey into the heart and the process of change can look different for different people. The road to your particular destination may be straightforward and fairly short or it may be a path that holds unexpected twists and turns as you face challenging issues. I would suggest considering the following thoughts to help you think through what your personal journey may look like:

1. Think about your personal goals for counseling. Counselors will often ask you to fill out a short biographical form before your first session. Spend some time on this and try to define as well as you can where you are now and where you would like to be through your counseling experience. Some questions to ask yourself might be:
   • What am I hoping for?
   • Does my issue relate to relationships in my life, my spiritual well being, or perhaps my marriage?
   • Have I tried to reach my goal before? If so, what helped me move toward my goal and what did not help me move toward my goal?
2. Think about your personal circumstances.
   Are you facing the challenge of a transition or are you hoping to address a more deep seated issue such as depression or anxiety that seems to plague your ability to relate to your world as you would like?
3. Think about your level of investment.
   • Do you find yourself in a place where change is desirable and worth the possibility of some discomfort?
   • Do you find yourself anxious about the idea of entering counseling at all?

Thinking through these questions ahead of time can help you and your counselor begin your time together with a greater understanding of what your personal journey might look like. Together you will be able to create a tentative plan to help you reach your destination.

So, jump in the car and begin the trip. It may feel cramped and uncomfortable for a while, but every mile you travel brings the opportunity for growth and hope and takes you one step closer to answering that all important question, “Are we there yet?”

For some travel humor, link to the blog of Chuck Roberts, MA, LPC, for a laugh-out-loud story entitled, Warning, Warning!!! www.chuckroberts.blogspot.com